A Joke For Today

This isn’t new but it showed up in my inbox and I can’t stop laughing… After Mr. and Mrs. Ward retired, Mrs. Ward insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, Mr. Ward was like most men–he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Ward was like most women–she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Ward received the following letter from her local Walmart. Dear Mrs. Ward, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Ward are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking. 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away.” 4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s o n layaway. 5. September 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 7. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?” 8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 9. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ” Mission Impossible” theme. 11. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels. 12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!” 13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!” And last, but not least . 14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!” Regards, Walmart

Comments

  1. Jeff Libert says:

    Laugh optimization. :)

  2. rumblepup says:

    I haven’t laughed this much in a long time. Never read that joke before. Thank you!

  3. f-lops-y says:

    It’s actually taken me a while to compose myself enough to type… that was the funniest thing I have read in ages :D

    3, 7, 9, 10, 12 and 13 – and I’m sure that says something about my sense of humour…

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