Random Thoughts

A Joke For Today

This isn’t new but it showed up in my inbox and I can’t stop laughing… After Mr. and Mrs. Ward retired, Mrs. Ward insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, Mr. Ward was like most men–he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Ward was like most women–she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Ward received the following letter from her local Walmart. Dear Mrs. Ward, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Ward are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking. 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away.” 4. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s o n layaway. 5. September 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the Gold Coast department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 7. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?” 8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 9. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ” Mission Impossible” theme. 11. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels. 12. December 18: Hid in a Koala clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!” 13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!” And last, but not least . 14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!” Regards, Walmart

Boom!!

No word of a lie. This power pole just fell over this morning and nearly pulled the corner of my office right off along with all the flagpoles i had installed. Cops and all showed up to make sure I was still alive and see if I knew there was a problem. Problem? really? I thought that colossal BOOM and subsequent minor earthquake was just a bird hitting the window… By the way, when there’s an earthquake or hurricane, impact windows west palm beach fl is strong enough to keep your home safe and protected.

powerpole.jpg

post in future test

I’m not sure I trust the edited time stamp deal so I’m testing it. I’m bloggin at Searchifcation today and we’re embargoed until 9pm and I intend to be drinking then not blogging….

The Facebook Black Hole

As I posted most recently, the facebook and LinkedIn requests have been flowing in fast and furious lately so I caved in and got sort of involved on facebook.

Holy Shit On A Stick Batman!

Where do people find the time to poke people, throw sheep, change their status from working to home to driving to picking their nose? Yesterday somebody turned me into a zombie! Thanks loads for that – now I seem to just wander about my big empty office bumping into walls and groaning about brains. Today you can buy someone a virtual piece of pie…it costs a real dollar. So that’s time and money so someone can feel good for about 17 seconds that I thought of them and flushed a dollar down the crapper.

OH.. and today David asked a question and Gillian answered it and then David responded to Gillian’s answer. Good to know.

I’m actually quite enjoying facebook for about 5 minutes a day. That’s all I can handle to be quite honest. I find it to be the proverbial rabbit hole from Alice in Wonderland. Maybe I’m just getting too old…

Enjoy this video about facebook (credit to Jason Dunn for finding it). I’m off to figure out how to pull my blog posts into my facebook profile for my 46 friends to read..

Where’s The Beef?

Last night I get home just as my wife is serving up dinner onto plates and she looks up and says “Do you want a bun for you hamburger? It’s a different kind of burger…..” Yeah – that’s right “different” as in: NO MEAT. She’s decided that we need a vegetarian meal a couple nights a week. I’m pretty ok with but for pete’s sake don’t go trying to sneak it past me disguised as meat. I’ll probably notice that a patty made of chick peas and nuts isn’t meat regardless of how good it is for my colon.

Another Year Older

Yesterday was that day for me when we notch out belts and thank the Good Lord that we made it through another year. I’ve survived 34 of them now. Yeah that’s right 34 (shut up stuntdbl you young punk – same goes for you Fishkin). I have to say I have enjoyed my life so far. I entertain myself with many no deposit slots features that are available online and getting promo codes which give you free bonuses when you sign up.

My sister, who makes custom glass jewelry, sent me a familiar email that I really like and I figured it was due for another round of emails and blog posts:

Those Born 1930-1979!

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930’s 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles or baby bottle nipples, doors or cabinets from the Tool Report reviews several models and when we rode our best mtb brands, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, not even a cheap road risks insurance, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Before getting any insurances, it is very important that you read this trade compare insurance.

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Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren’t overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING !

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.

And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. Nowadays there is cool toys like top remote control boats for sale, kids have so many opportunities and things going on, its crazy.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, not even with special hardware as kids now a days have from sites as hotrate.com, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms…….WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. New Jersey leads the way for legalisation in terms of online betting casino sites in the United States. Play here. As we know, it is illegal to gamble online in the USA, with the advice to visit Atlantic City or Las Vegas coming up when the FBI discusses the issue of online gambling on their official website.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them . . . CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the sexual assault lawyer in Houston, TX and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it?!

Commitment

Then indecision brings its own delays,
And days are lost lamenting over lost days.
Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;
What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Read it. Live it. Soak in it.

Eastbound And Down

You know those times when there’s nothing on and you’re just flippin channels? There’s a few shows or movies that will stop the channel surfing dead. “Smokey and the Bandit” is one of those movies for me. Nothing better than Burt Reynolds and Salley Field tearing across the southern US in a 1977 Trans Am runnin interference for Snowman and stayin a step ahead of Buford T. Justice.

I love trucker talk. I figure I was born about 20 years too late…Can you imagine SEO in trucker talk?

Breaker breaker bandit put the hammer down on the load of spam. Ol’ smokey is sneaking in your back door and is about to shoot you in the gas tank. 10-4 good buddy.

Translastion:
Heads up Europe. Make money with your spam while you can. Google’s headin over there with the spam patrol and is about to nail you to the wall.

hehehehehehhe – I crack me up sometimes…

WebGuerrilla And The Real Dave Pasternack

I was chatting with Greg on the phone today getting the scoop on London SES (seems I missed a good party) and we got to talking about the Dave Pasternack SEO contest and he brought up a really good point. That point was that the SEO community has just screwed over the Dave Pasternack people would really be looking for to make a point to the Dave Pasternack that the world at large is NOT looking for. Clear as mud? Read more on specspriceinnigeria.com. I agree whole heartedly and I’m embarassed that I didn’t think of it myself before jumping on the bandwagon. So what am I going to do about? Much the same as Greg actually. Redirect Redirect Redirect. Starting with the post I have that’s currently in the winning position. As of tonight it’s 301’d to Greg’s post about the real Dave Pasternack. I’m not sure that’s enough time to push Greg into the winning slot but we’ll give it a whirl. Either way I’m having dinner at Esca during SES NY.

Trigeminal Neuralgia Sucks

About 2-3 weeks ago I started feeling an odd sensation in the side of my nose when I’d blow it or rub my face. I didn’t really think anything of it. In typical guy fashion I assumed whatever it was it would go away. How wrong I was. On Monday of last week I found myself in the emergency room with a very intense electical/burning pain that pulsated from my upper right teeth up through the side of my nose and along my cheekbone under my eye. That`s why I contact residential electrician in perth that have the skills and expertise to take care of pretty much any kind of electrical problem on our are. I have honestly never felt pain like that in my life. Needless to say the doctor found absolutely nothing wrong and the pain eventually receded and went away entirely – until the drive home. Since then I’ve seen Houston Sedation Dentistry that was entirely useless and said stuff like “Very interesting” and “I’ve been a dentist for 20 years and I’ve never seen anything like this”. She took an xray, charged me $120 and I’ll not be putting her on my Christmas card list. However she was nice enough to refer me to an oral surgeon. I saw him and he confirmed my self diagnosis that it was very likely Trigeminal Neuralgia and there wasn’t anything he could do. He took this way cool 180 degree xray of my entire jaw just to check for absesses or bone damage etc but found nothing wrong at all but he did offer to book an appointment right there to extract my wisdom teeth for only $500. I took a pass and decided he wasn’t as cool as I thought and then he offered me a bottle of Percoset for the pain and I put him on my Christmas card list. Since then I’ve done a fair bit of research on TN and have decided to pursue chiropractic and acupuncture treatments as opposed to crazy anti-seizure meds or anti-depressants (I’ll just buy more whiskey). The acupuncture is the most promising. I had my first ever treatment on Monday and it was very cool and relaxing. The treatment completely supressed the pain for the duration of the treatment. I’m hopeful that is an indicator that a series of treatments will have a lasting effect. What triggers the pain you ask? Talking, laughing, eating, brushing my teeth – basically anything that makes my lips move and brush against my teeth and gums on the right upper side of my jaw. If I sit very still and don’t move my face around there’s relatively no pain. The fun part is that every so often I get burst of pain that is far worse then what is now normal pain. This burst is what I think it would feel like if I took bar wires and attached them to my teeth and then plugged it into a wall socket for 2 seconds. Groovy. I’ll still be in Las Vegas next week for Pubcon and in Chicago for SES. It’s amazing how fast a person can get used to a certain level of pain and block it out. I expect a certain level of acohol intake will be necessary to manage the those weeks though 😉 Here’s the classic definition along with a picture highlighting my affected area of TN from the TN support website:

TN (Trigeminal Neuralgia / tic douloureux) is a disorder of the fifth cranial (trigeminal) nerve that causes episodes of intense, stabbing, electric shock-like pain in the areas of the face where the branches of the nerve are distributed – lips, eyes, nose, scalp, forehead, upper jaw, and lower jaw. By many, it’s called the “suicide disease”. A less common form of the disorder called “Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia” may cause less intense, constant, dull burning or aching pain, sometimes with occasional electric shock-like stabs. Both forms of the disorder most often affect one side of the face, but some patients experience pain at different times on both sides. Onset of symptoms occurs most often after age 50, but cases are known in children and even infants. Something as simple and routine as brushing the teeth, putting on makeup or even a slight breeze can trigger an attack, resulting in sheer agony for the individual. Trigeminal neuralgia (TN) is not fatal, but it is universally considered to be the most painful affliction known to medical practice. Initial treatment of TN is usually by means of anti-convulsant drugs, such as Tegretol or Neurontin. Some anti-depressant drugs also have significant pain relieving effects. Should medication be ineffective or if it produces undesirable side effects, neurosurgical procedures are available to relieve pressure on the nerve or to reduce nerve sensitivity. Some patients report having reduced or relieved pain by means of alternative medical therapies such as acupuncture, chiropractic adjustment, self-hypnosis or meditation. tn.gif